There is more bad news for the Japanese as it has been discovered that the radiation from Fukushima's destroyed reactor is affecting the way nearby residents create cholesterol.
"At first," said Professor Ann Hetty who was leading the study, "we thought this was a good thing. Cholesterol the body cannot absorb? It's the dream of heart doctors."
One of the post doctorates working with Hetty, Harry Head, who suffers from male pattern baldness, realised that an inability to absorb cholesterol was a decidedly bad thing. For men at least.
"My post-doc pointed out that cholesterol is the starting point for the body to make testosterone," she said. "This slams to a stop the body's ability to make the male hormone and the secondary hormone, di-hydroxyl testosterone, or DHT, the hormone that makes a man a man. It also causes premature baldness when present in too great a quantity, which is how Harry knew about it. It's on his mind a lot."
Urgent alerts have been sent out to all men in a seventy mile radius of the power plant to avoid eating quite a lot of food stuffs that contain phylogestrians, a plant hormone that mimics the female hormone oestrogen.
"Ordinarily this isn't a problem," said Hetty. "There is sufficient testosterone in the body to negate any slight increase in oestrogen intake. However the lack of DHT, testosterone and the presence of oestrogen is basically the cocktail that transsexuals use to become women!"
Avoiding plant oestrogens results in a better head of hair for the residents, so a lot of men aren't unduly worried. Additionally, the danger zone around the plant has become a Mecca for pre-op transsexuals looking for a cheaper alternative to their drug regime.
"I'm really looking forward to it," said Candi, who is obviously a pre-op due to her choice of name and her appearance being that of a bulky builder from Basildon.