Written by Nash D. Plott
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Monday, 5 September 2011

image for North Korean Leader Changes Name to Darth Jong-il

North Korean leader Kim Jong-il has changed his name to Darth Jong-il, claiming that his original name does not inspire fear or respect in the western world.

"While Kim is a respected family name in Korea, our esteemed leader is very aware that in the western world it is typically a woman's name," explains a diplomatic spokesperson for the regime. "The title Darth is well known and respected in western culture. Darth signifies a brooding and ominous presence, a person of great power and authority who rules with an iron fist"

When asked if Jong-il was aware that Darth was also the personification of evil and a cripple held together by a life support suit, the diplomat displayed a surprising interpretation of Lucasology. "Darth Vader was a man with the courage and strength to adapt to the treachery around him and survive attacks that should have been fatal. History is written by the victor, and even history written by the traitorous rebels had to give Darth Vader tribute and acknowledge that he died a good and worthy man."

Darth Jong-il has taken to his new name/title with gusto. He has started wearing robes remarkably similar to those of Darth Vader minus the signature helmet, and now carries a riding crop that looks somewhat like a light saber.

Lucasarts has considered filing a lawsuit for patent infringement, but has deferred due to the fact that Jong-il is both insane and in possession of nuclear weaponry, much of which he is currently housing in an aluminum geodesic dome that he is calling a "Death Star". Jong-il has offered to sign a disarmament treaty in return for rice, a supply of flat screen televisions with bluerays, and a 40-foot laser cannon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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