Written by Nash D. Plott
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Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Representatives from the Libyan provisional government have announced that the next dictator of Libya will be selected using a competitive format modelled upon the American reality show "American Idol"

The surprise decision is designed to build closer ties between Libya and the western nations. It has been noticed within Libya that popular support for the Libyan combatants rose dramatically the moment that American news agencies started referring to them as "rebel soldiers". In American history this same term is used to refer to the soldiers who fought in the 1776 War of Independence. The term has been further popularized by the Star Wars films in which the "rebel army" is portrayed as a group of underdog protagonists fighting against the evil "empire".

The legitimacy bestowed upon the Libyan combatants by use of the term "rebel" has led the provisional government to believe that further gains can be made by tying into other aspects of American culture, such as the reality show format. No details have been formally released although it is believed that the name of the show will be, "So you think you can Dictate?", hosted by Al Jazeera.

Several potential judges are being considered from a prominent list of candidates. Traditional American reality shows require one critical and abusive male judge, one accommodating male judge who appears to have severely limited intellect, and a warm, motherly female judge. The current contenders for the positions include Bashar al-Assad (the soon-to-be ex-president of Syria), Muhammad Saeed Al-Sahaf (formerly the Iraqi Information Minister), and Muamar Gadhafi himself, who will pose as the female candidate beneath a burkha. This latter strategy will circumvent the Libyan cultural taboo of having a female judge over a male candidate. Success of the plan is contingent upon Gadhafi managing to stay essentially quiet beneath the burkha and not referring to the candidates as "rats".

Auditions are currently being held for the position of future dictator. The criteria for eligibility are being still being solidified, but it appears that guidelines are again being drawn from an American model. The potential candidate will be obliged to provide a valid Libyan birth certificate BEFORE becoming dictator, must campaign vigorously on the basis of "change", and must be able to pass himself off as either a Muslim or a Christian as circumstances dictate. A one-term dictator is considered to be the most likely outcome.

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