Written by Lyndon
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Monday, 29 August 2011

image for Tom Jones hospitalized with 'chills and fever'
Monte Carlo is no Detroit City

MONTE CARLO, Monaco--Tom Jones was rushed to Princess Grace Hospital suffering from the effects of dehydration. Within hours, rumors that Jones had passed away were burning down the house.

"Although it's not unusual," stated a spokesman for Mr. Jones, "to go out at any time, emergency services worked expediently. Particularly worrisome for fans was Mr. Jones' mumbling that he'll never fall in love again, but it was just the chills and fever talking."

Jones seemed to express regret at not heeding his advisors' concerns that the 71-year-old singer should skip this year's annual festival at Monte Carlo's Sporting Club. His comment, "Mama told me not to come," must have come during his delirium as his mother, Freda Jones, passed away in 2003.

Expressing his frustration, an advisor close to Jones said, "We are simply not responsible."

Dr. Roland Boiselle spoke publicly some 90 minutes after Jones' admittance: "Mr. Jones was in quite a state, but is now doing well. He came in sobbing like a motherless child, but sometimes we cry. I told him he must drink more water. I said must help yourself."

Several nurses at Princess Grace Hospital were quite aflutter that the Welsh warbler was in their midst. Jones immediately took a liking to a few younger ones.

"Somethin' bout you baby I like," Jones said sipping a Sprite. When the nurse in question left flustered, he added, "She's a lady."

When Dr. Boiselle was asked how long Mr. Jones' would have to stay, Jones piped up from the background, "I'm coming home, baby, to the green, green grass of home."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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