Written by Jason Safoutin
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Topics: Pope, Vatican

Thursday, 22 December 2005

image for Pope Benedict XVI announces he is Santa Claus.
Santa waves to and greets his fans.

Vatican City - Yesterday in St. Peters Square, millions were shocked to both hear and see that Pope Benedict XVI is Santa Claus. Wearing a white fur-trimmed red bonnet and a red cape with white underneath, Santa waved to his fans after making the shocking announcement.

Children all over the world were immediatly disappointed as they were expecting a much fatter and jollier man with a very long beard and a big red sleigh. But when the Pope greeted his fans and asked them to "call me Santa," children began to cry. "Mommy either lied to us or he is a fake!", one child was quoted.

With the recent War On Christmas, Vatican felt it was necessary to reveil the truth. "People started to lose faith in Christmas and deny its true meaning...Santa. So we decided to show the world that Christmas is here to stay," a Vatican spokesman said.

Vatican is denying all reports that its "Santa" was arrested yesterday morning for DWI.

Reports say, the police are investigating the claim made by the Pope, that he is Santa. "We are 100% confident that we have the real Santa in custody at this moment, DWI" the North Pole Police said. "There is no doubt in our minds whatsoever that we have the 'real' Santa."

We are waiting on a mugshot of Santa from the North Pole. One has not yet been released.

The people of the world are shocked at both Vatican's announcement and the Arrest made by police yesterday. "When will the war on Christmas end?" said one woman.
Our children depend on Santa for presents. Will he be able to get the job done this year?"

Lawyers for Santa and Vatican have assured that no matter what Santa...or Santas..."will be riding a sleigh full of toys that Will be delievered ontime."

Santa(s) also say there will be absolutely NO coal in any stockings this Christmas.

Police will be watching out on Christmas Eve, saying "we will pull over anyone who is driving wreckelessly, and that include Any Santas."

Meanwhile millions prepare for the arrival of Santa to their homes. Some are relieved that they do not have to worry about anyone getting stuck in the chimney this year as Santa is not "as big as we thought."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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