Tripoli, Libya - Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi has issued his terms of surrender from his secret compound here. The former strongman and sunglass aficionado provided only one condition for giving himself up to NATO authorities.
"I want to join the cast of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians,' " Gaddafi said. "I think I would be terrific in the role of Uncle Muammar."
"The girls need a father figure that they can look up to," the dictator added. "I have been father of my country for decades, so this part is made for me."
Gaddafi has no experience as a performer or entertainer. In fact, many Libyans found his occasional television appearances to be quite painful.
"If you didn't applaud loudly enough at his remarks, he would have your palms set on fire," one unnamed citizen said. "You'd be surprised how many standing ovations that trick produced."
Asked about his lack of talent and experience, Gaddafi had the reporter who fielded the question shot. Then he responded: "Lack of talent and experience...Such things make me feel like I'm already a member of the family."
A Kardashian spokesperson refused comment, but it has been widely reported how the clan recently turned a family wedding into a multimillion dollar moneymaker. "If Gaddafi comes up with the right dollar amount, he's in," observed one television executive.
As Gaddafi issued his terms of surrender, a photo album filled with pictures of former US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice surfaced in one of his captured compounds. "Oh yes, I have quite the crush on Condi," he said. "And I would make her part of my Kardashian dream. Everything goes nice with a little Rice."