Written by NerdInBriefs
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Topics: Charity, Disaster, Bono, Sting

Monday, 22 August 2011

Irish rockstar Bono checked into a Monte Carlo hospital for a routine medical procedure to have his ego topped up in the frontal lobe of the brain. This is an operation Bono has every year but something went horribly wrong this time and consequences are now being felt worldwide as leaders rally round to find a solution. Only a few specialist hospitals in the world can carry out this risky operation. The doctor responsible has been suspended pending an investigation but he is thought to have taken a moral stand and intentionally removed Bono's ego.

This is a big embarrassment for the hospital as Bono is a major contributor to the principality and one of only a handful of stars who can afford the $250,000 price tag for the operation. Other stars have cancelled their forthcoming surgery, including Sting, Kayne West and Bob Geldof.

The removal of the ego has had an immediate effect on Bono. His wife, Ali Hewson has been tearful and inconsolable, screaming in the streets of Monte Carlo at any passing millionaire 'why have they taken my superstar Bono away, what are we to do, how am i going to cope with him at home." Bono is already saying he wants to step away from the limelight, move to rural Ireland and open a pub. Asked about all the worldwide charities that he supports and are reliant on his words in order to fundraise money, Bono has insisted; "I just want a quiet life, no hassle, i just want to be remembered for my music."

The UN the secretary general, Ban-Ki Moon is on his way to Monte Carlo to see if there is something that can be done as there are fears that smaller African economies could collapse if Bono's ego is not restored. Due to the uncertainty, aid shipments to famine hit regions of East Africa have stopped and there are fears of perhaps a looming natural disaster as a sign that the gods are not happy with what has happened to one of the chosen ones. The Pope has agreed to hold a special service in St. Peter's Square as have other religious leaders around the globe. The religious factions in the Middle East have come together to hold a march for Bono in a rare show of solidarity.

In a joint statement, world leaders who felt the power of Bono, including George W. Bush, Nelson Mandela, Tony Blair and the Dalai Lama have asked for the world to offer their prayers to see if this ego removal can be reversed.

"Calamities happened all the time throughout the 20th century, but since the 90s when Bono focussed on his ego and less on the music, he rose to take the mantel left by other humanitarian organisations, and so the world has been able to bring about rapid solutions and answers. Bono has made the world realise that it is not possible for organisations who are specialists in their region or area, to do this on their own or for world leaders to find solutions. It needs someone with fresh eyes and a natural touch to make things happen and join the dots. That man was and we hope will continue to be Bono. We ask the world to pray this week and hope that Bono's ego can be returned."

Some of the pivotal moments in modern history, would not have happened if it was not for Bono. Sensing the fall of communism and the Berlin Wall, he convinced David Hasselhoff to do a concert and helped him write the words, 'Looking for Freedom'. In the 90s The UN was going to dismantle its humanitarian peace missions and its disaster relief funds due to fallout from previous missions, but Bono rang all the members of the G7 to stop this happening. He encouraged the cessation of fighting in Bosnia by donating his boots from the Joshua Tree album, and the fall of apartheid through singing 'In The Name of Love' to the white minority government, which convinced them to release Mandela. Most recently the Arab Spring started after Bono began tweeting Egyptians to gather in squares and sing for freedom.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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