Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: Syria

Saturday, 20 August 2011

image for Syria's Assad apologises for getting pledge "not to kill people" wrong - he intended to pledge "to kill people" - thank God that's been sorted
US Secretary of State offers Syrian President a big hot dog and fries - but no mustard

Syria's President Assad has gone on Syrian television apologising to the people for pledging not to kill people. He explained that what he should have said was that he pledged that he WOULD kill people. His English isn't brilliant, because he's a foreigner, and he sometimes uses the wrong word.

However, the explanation cut no ice with the international community, led by US Secretary of State Hilary Clinton. Last week, she had offered President Assad half a Snickers bar if he resigned from office and today she upped the offer to a hot dog and fries, but refused to throw in any mustard. "We cannot be seen to be rewarding dictators so he must pay for his own mustard", she said.

Analysts said that Assad would probably ignore the offer. One said "I think that Assad isn't allowed to eat hot dogs. He would regard it as being as sinful as butchering his own people. Not, wait, he's done that. What the heck."

Some people wonder why Britain and France aren't bombing Syria like they did with Libya. However, a spokesman for the British governments said "Isn't it better to bomb Libya and let the Syrians get away with murder than let both countries get away with murder?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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