The sole survivor of yesterday's comical explosion in Iraq told reporters from his ICU unit in Tikrit, "We send Abu on his way with time-bomb belt ticking. Next thing we know we hear knock at door and Abu going 'I forgot my ..' BOOM!!
The unnamed survivor in critical but stable condition, a bit perturbed went on to tell reporters, "Idiot, I knew we should not that guy hired. Idiot Abu forget condoms for when he arrive in heaven with Allah and greet 72 virgins. Idiot Abu."
Preferring to remain anonymous the survivor is expected to make a full recovery. Minus his legs. And left arm. Right one too. Along with much of his upper torso and both nostrils. When asked how he was the only one fortunate enough to survive the comical explosion he said,
"I dove into spider hole. I look out window, see Abu coming back I go YAAAA, dive into spider hole, like spider hole Saddam live in."
U.S. Special Forces intelligence agents are gleaming a wealth of information from the now disillusioned ex-suicide bomber including the fact that most terror house strongholds being built these days in Iraq do indeed have spider holes, secret basements and even revolving bookcases like the ones seen in many Scooby Doo movies.
One leading terrorist stronghold builder off the record said,
"Terrorist Stronghold Building is significantly off since U.S. troops started blowing them up as soon as we finished laying the shingles. We're in a slump our industry as a whole."
Unfortunately for Al Qaeda, "Suicide Bombing" is also rapidly becoming NOT the profession of choice for many increasingly upwardly mobile Middle Eastern young men and women. One young Karbala man said, again off the record,
"I first thought about going to suicide bombing school but then .. I saw this commercial about Refrigeration & Air Conditioning repair training over in Mosul and, well .. sorry Mr Laden."
One popular local Baghdad journalist, off the record of course said,
"Bin Laden can't be too pleased these days, what with suicide bombers blowing themselves up, recruitment down, folks voting, car bomb cars getting less than 15 fatalities to the explosion I doubt if this war lasts even another 30 years before Bin Laden just gives up and dies of old age."
Sources say that funeral services for Abu the "idiot" bomber and his fellow terrorists will be held as soon authorities locate their body parts. And the house in which they were blown up in. Along with the neighborhood where the house itself blew up.