Written by Bob
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Topics: Government, France

Monday, 27 October 2003

image for French war with Belgium will not go ahead, Belgian army not real.
Belgian tanks - made of cardboard

France today backed down on its threat to go to war with Belgium after the Belgian government admitted, "Our army is fake!"

The shocking news did prompt George W. Bush's ears to prick up, learning that there may be another country out there weak enough to take over as easily as Iraq.

Today the Belgian Minister for Defence, Eric Qwic-Gohard, admitted in a flood of tears that the Belgian army was indeed a fraud. He said, "Our infantry, our armoured divisions, everything! None of its real."

A French division, sent into the neighbouring state to investigate, found that Belgium's tanks were actually cardboard cut-outs. One had gone limp in the rain. Further walks around the military bases revealed all their guns were either water pistols or those plastic toy ones with orange ends that make crap 'ka-ka-ka-ka-ka' sounds when you pull the trigger. One Supersoaker 1000 was also found.

Infantry on parade were actually shop dummies dressed in uniform and standing in formation. John Inman was found to be their commanding officer.

Of the Belgian airforce, only a light Cessna aircraft was found to be real - Belgium's strike fighters had been painted on the runway to fool spyplanes. Pierre Fon-Fon, a French infantryman said, "The picture was quite good."

Most shockingly of all were the Navy ships, as three warships were made of balsa wood. The fourth was actually an inflatable armchair floating in the dock. "Its ok," said Mr Qwic-Gohard, "we're nowhere near the sea anyway."

France was left blushing after it had wanted a crap, weak little country to take over, after being such wusses in both World Wars and Iraq. Now the French are looking for another country to take over.

The international community aren't exactly worried by the French threat, they're all soft anyway.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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