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Topics: Doctors, French

Wednesday, 7 December 2005

image for Face transplant lady unhappy with new beard
Gillette - the best a woman can get

MOUSTACHE

A group of mad, garlic-guzzling French doctors have revealed that the hideously disfigured woman who recently received a face transplant is unhappy with her new designer look. The donor, a 47-year-old dead man who was alive right up until his death, apparently had a large amount of facial fuzz. Reports say that he had quite a bushy moustache and a three-week old beard - slightly more than that of the average French woman.

RISKS

The crazy surgeons who performed the pioneering procedure revealed that the decision was taken to proceed with the operation after a quick discussion in the operating theatre over a glass of wine and a few cigarettes:
"Most French women are quite hirsute anyway so we didn't think it would really make much of a difference to her," said the bonkers Dr Jean-Claude Stankey-Pugh, "I once knew a woman who was half-French and half-English - she shaved under one arm. We decided that the risks were low enough to go ahead - that and the fact that we wanted to see what she'd look like with a bloke's chin."

BLOOD VESSELS

Doctors stated that the male donor's lips, nose and chin had been well received by the female recipient, reporting an almost immediate improvement in her intelligence once the blood vessels had been connected.

NOSE

The female patient had initially requested to remain anonymous although once she'd woken up and looked in the mirror it soon became apparent this was impossible:
"The beard does sort of make her stand out a bit," admitted Dr Stankey-Pugh, "and she now has a really huge Gallic nose! But other than that she'll be able to lead a normal enough life - she could always get a job with the circus as a bearded lady."


JACKSON

But the woman is actually thought to be considering a career in politics or journalism where her two-faced appearance will serve her best. Michael Jackson meanwhile has expressed an interest in the new technique. A spokesman for the weirdo said:
"Michael has approached Macaulay Culkin and that kid out of A.I.to swap faces but they haven't replied yet."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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