Vatican City-- An astounding proclamation was made today in Vatican City by Pope Benedict XVI. The pontiff declared Eve was tempted by a bud of marijuana--and not an apple--as previously thought. The pope also said the Tree of Knowledge wasn't really a tree--it was a giant marijuana plant.
The news from the pope came after a meeting with the College of Cardinals. After he listened to the red birds chirp--and after he smoked 3 joints--the pope figured out the meaning of life, beginning with Genesis.
"The Devil tempted Eve with a marijuana bud from God's favorite plant--cannabis. She smoked a few hits of weed with the Devil, and then handed a joint to Adam. There wasn't any apple." declared the pope.
The stoned pope also declared that marijuana was made by God, and therefore must be good.
"Weed was in the Garden of Eden. God Himself was the first cultivator of marijuana." said Pope Benedict, as he exhaled a great plume of gray marijuana smoke. "Smoke weed, and be holy."
Because the pope is infallible, his words must be obeyed. Many devout Roman Catholics are doing that right now.
There are reports tonight of thousands of priests, nuns, and conservative lay people lighting up joints in Catholic churches all over the world. The news delighted the pope.
"Smoke, my children. Smoke and pray!" he declared again.