Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Google, MSNBC

Monday, 5 December 2005

image for Google Patents Mind Search

(MSNBC) 40 minutes to game time .. YOU forgot where you put your Knicks tickets for tonight's playoff! Rushing over to your computer, popping open Google you frantically type .. "WHERE ARE MY KNICKS TICKETS?!".

One Google beta tester, Chad Lincoln did just that. Google, according to Lincoln came back with, "Look under the empty Dominoes pizza box where you accidentally dropped them after Cindy came over last night and the two of you .. Would you like a 3D map showing the location?"

Apparently, according to Google, their revolutionary new BrainSpy™ technology will allow you to not only search your desktop but "YOUR MIND AS WELL!"

Their new BrainSpy™ toolbar powered by your brain's neurons, synapses, bits, bytes and of course Google's patented tri-dimensional hyperthreaded search engine technology which even God Himself doesn't quite yet fully understand is still veiled in clouds of secrecy but does reportedly allow users via an external biofeedback device connected to their temples to scan the deepest darkest recesses of memories long forgotten and display them on a standard Google-type results web page. Lincoln told reporters,

"Sometimes BrainSpy™ can't exactly nail it down to just one result. One time I asked BrainSpy™ where my car keys were thinking I could trick BrainSpy™ because I have TWO cars, one I let Cindy drive."

BrainSpy™ came back ..

***
(CAR KEYS)
For your 1998 Blue Camry parked in the driveway.
Location of keys => Left hip pocket, blue jeans, clothes hamper about to be washed in Tide not Cheer .. (more) - 16k - BrainCached - Similar pages

(CAR KEYS)
For your 2004 Off-White Volkswagen Jetta parked at :O .. 8712 Main ? Location of keys => Talk to your girlfriend Cindy .. she knows. You'd best also ask Cindy her about new "friend" Todd. You know the one . . (more) - 187k - BrainCached - Similar pages
***

Google says that BrainSpy™ is not only useful for retrieving forgotten memories but also helps you get in touch with your inner "you" as well. Another BrainSpy™ beta tester said,

"I never even knew that I was a dirty lowdown 2-faced lying SON of a .. er, buzzard until Google BrainSpy™ clued me in to that faq."

Google, lips clamped wide shut about a possible release date of their exciting new BrainSpy™ toolbar does promise as usual "a quick 30 second download, easy setup and of course .. Windows XP or higher required.

Beta tester Chad Lincoln, deeply saddened after his breakup with Cindy is reportedly back at work beta testing away, bonding with BrainSpy™ ... man and beta software joining forces .. probing his mind, searching his soul, examining his heart and just plain GOOGLING their way together through this browser adventure we call life simply seeking .. the truth.

BrainSpy™ says it's out there.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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