(Riyadh, Saudi Arabia) I was granted an exclusive interview with a retired Saudi oil baron who wishes to remain anonymous exposing secret underground factories converting rubbish into crude oil.
According to the baron, these conversion factories were first installed in the 1970s to supplement natural deposits of oil, but as years passed and more were built, they have become the primary source of the black gold.
"We've been making billions of dollars a year fooling the world into believing our region is rich in oil," said the baron through an interpreter. "And we've been paying millions of dollars to foreign politicians like the Bush's to keep it quiet."
The de-polymerization process converts carbon from tires, plastics, and other products disposed of into the 1000 barrels of oil used per second around the world.
"It's laughable that the Americans and British are so gullible," he said. "They send all their money overseas and then complain that they're bankrupt."
In related news, gold bullion vending machines are popping up in the Middle East at a rate of two per day.
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