Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Wednesday, 13 July 2011

The reaction was swift last night when the news hit the global community that the News of the World tabloid had once again broken all bounds of propriety when they hacked the confessionals of the Vatican. The Guardian is reporting that hundreds of hours of confessions had been taped and the confessors represented the entire Vatican community, including the Pope.

Reports from Rome indicate that the Leonardo da Vinci intercontinental airport and roads leading into it are jammed with clergy fleeing the Vatican. Citizen's report seeing clerical garments strewn along the highway leading into the airport and as one traveler stated, "There are cassocks and tunics, nun's habits and rosaries on the sides of the road! It is stunning!"

The airlines issued a statement today saying, "All flights to the state of New York in the US are filled for the next thirty days and we cannot accept reservations until further notice."

At the airport, hundreds of same sex couples were seen holding hands with smiles and involuntary facial ticks waiting to board the flights. A group of heterosexual couples, waiting to board a flight to Las Vegas, held hands and sang "Arrivederci, Roma."

A journalist from La Repubblica was one of the first on the scene at the Vatican. He reports that he was able to get all the way to the Pope's inner office without being stopped. Evidently, he found the Pope's personal secretary thumbing through an old copy of Body Builders Magazine. "Where's the Pope?," asked the journalist as he noticed a golden crown and a scepter discarded in the corner of the office. "Don't know," said the secretary, "said he'd write when he got work." The journalist reports seeing a nameplate on the secretary's desk that read, "So many alter boys, so little time."

In related news, Fox News is running a commercial advertising an exclusive offer of one hour of un-edited Vatican Tapes for $39.95. The viewers are advised that if they respond in the next thirty minutes, they will also receive FREE, a year's subscription to Body Builders Magazine and a DVD three-pack of Shirley Temple movies.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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