In one of her last acts before she was kidnapped by aliens and transported to The Newly Improved North Korea, Rebekaah Brooks fired all 23,453 journalists and staff at the News of the Sophist's Wurlitzer, in an ultimately vain, venal and in some cases carnal effort to save her job.
Staff were gobsmacked at her vindictiveness and selfish behaviour. 'We did everything to erase her cries of help to the police, and now look what she did to us,'raved of one the loonies who worked at the paper. 'We had all the stories mapped out and written for the next two years,we had already decided who would win the 2015 election, we had chosen our next Lib Dem and Labour leaders and paid Sepp Platter to stay at FIFA for the next 50 years' raved another idiot who goes by the name of Razz. 'What will happen to all our works of art now?' he asked metaphorically.
Rupert Muckdoc was attacked by angry staff as well. It all began when a journo threw a plum at him and the Muckdoc responded by waving his zimmer in an extremely threatening mannar.The journo, feeling for his life, grabbed the nearest guitar he could lay his hands on and tried to smash it over the Muckdoc's head. He succeeded as well because the guards, who obviously had just seen Gladiator, refused to defend their boss and just formed a circle around the zimmer wielding man.
The Muckdoc has since disappeared and it is believed he is on the same UFO that took Ms Brooks to LaLa Land in North Korea. We know for a fact-and that's a fact- that Kim and the Muckdoc are planning a new rag for the North Koreans. Entitled, 'Kim, Wendy Deng and I', the new paper will consist of just one page-mainly due to the UN embargo on WMD such as paper. The front page will have a picture of Kim. On the other side of the piece of paper will be a photo of the Muckdoc, looking resplendent as the new Emperor of the Roos. There is no space for a picture of the Mother of Mothers but since it's a Sunday paper, then next week's paper should have a photo of Kim and a koala.
And we have some news just in. Ms Brooks managed to beep an SOS to the London Met who are treating the message as a non urgent query which will be dealt with at some point in 2035. 'We get these all the time,' said the information officer we called. 'Just a waste of our time and tax payers money to deal with calls like this:
'Help Me! I am in an alien spacecraft! I might die and be eaten by aliens.'
The police have sent the SOS to the Mirror and it looks like it will be printed as a headline on April 1st, 2012.All in the spirit of good harmless fun, of course. Fortunately,we at the Spoof have hacked into the Mirror's computer and stole their future headline and used it today.
It can also be reported that North Koreans have executed Ms Brooks. As she was led out to the firing squad she must have bitterly reflected on her statement she made to a commons select committee in which she said it was okay to break the law if it was in the public interest to do so. And as she closed her eyes and waited for the bullets she finally understood where hacking, law breaking and invasions of privacy ultimately lead. It's just too bad she had not read her Koestler.
We will leave it to our readers' imagination and let them figure out for themeselves what 'F.O.A.D' means on the picture of Rebekaaaaaaaaaaaaah Brooks' virtual funeral urn.
For more on this story see 'If I had been a cat, then I could have been a dog.'