North Korea can be blamed for the current global financial crisis after classified documents released by the IMF clearly show that a certain Mr Damani Maru aka Mr Kim Jong Il, sent millions of emails around the world begging for money.
A bored Mr Bernard Bernanke and host of other finance ministers from Greece to Portugal wanted to see what would happen if they responded to requests like the one reproduced below:
RE: TRANSFER of Nine hundred and fifty billion dollars.
We want to transfer to overseas the sum of nine hundred and fifty billion dollars from a prime bank in Africa.
I am Mr Damani Maru an accountant and personal confidant to Dr. Ravindra F. Shah who died together with his wife Dr.Mrs. Manjula Parikh-Shah in a plane crash on the 1st Oct. 2003 on their way to attend the wedding of Mr Raul Castro to Mr Fidel Castro in Havana on March 8th 2008 following the recent Cuban law allowing same sex marriage between brothers and sisters and cigars.
You should observe utmost CONFIDENTIALITY AND SECRECY in this transaction.
I look forward to your prompt response.please REPLY TO: firstname.lastname@example.org
Mr Benanke sent the bank account details of the Federal Reserve to Mr Damani Maru. Likewise the Greeks,the Irish, the Spanish and the Portuguese all sent the account details of their various central banks to Mr Maru. As a result, hundreds of billions were transferred to North Korea and to Kurt, the leader of the ostriches in Southern Russia. He needs the money in order to buy an army so that he can invade Austria in August 2013.
Kim Jong Ill was thus for a short time the leader of the richest country in the world. He intended to upgrade his army by replacing their stones with proper swords and shields and he had also placed a huge order for horses because he had heard that cavalry are effective in warfare. He also intended to properly feed his country by increasing the daily rations from fifty to one and hundred fifty calories per month.
All very dandy had he not made the mistake of giving the money to suspected serial killer and one time head of Goldman Sucks, Mr.Larry Chukwuemeka,who sent the following email to Mr Kim:
I read your contract payment file with great pain and tears following all you had to go through without success in the release of your fund.I work directly with Auditor General,Federal Republic of Nigeria.It was in the course of carrying out my primary duty as the personal assistance to Auditor General, why arranging contractors payment file that i saw your file and I was moved realizing the trauma you must have gone through concerning your inheritance....
Flush with cash, Mr Chukwuemeka, was going to launch a bid for the Nigerian Presidency. Unfortunately, Mr Chukwumeka gave his account details to a certain Mr Peterson, who was never heard from again.
As of current time of writing,nobody actually knows where all the money is. And if Benjamin Lowton is reading this in Somalia he should remember that the bigger the lie the better. Instead of asking for an air ticket back to London, he should make a modest request for a trillion dollars and there is bound to some idiot central banker who will readily wire over the cash.