The efforts by the Lowton brothers to set up thespoof.co.sg ended in yet another failure yesterday after the Singaporean Government shut down the site and accused the Lowton brothers of lying on their application. Mr Benjamin Lowton, the youngest Lowton brother, was arrested.
According to government sources the brothers originally promised a website that would praise everything authoritarian and Singaporean. The deal clincher was a promise to offer 100 new Ferraris to the first hundred spoofers who signed up to the website.
However, the new spoofers were furious when instead of receiving the brand new cars they received a Ferrari made by Matchbox Models. All very nice if you are 12 but not if you are banskter trying to show off to your hooker girlfriend you had just met at Orchard Towers.
Benjamin Lowton, newly released victim of Somali pirates, suddenly found himself back in the slammer and wishing he was back in Somalia where at least he could still smoke. As it was he wasted his one call to his ex Somalian jailers asking them to bail him out. They refused saying that Goldman Sucks had squandered all the ransom money and asking him if he wanted to stay with them again.
A bemused Benjamin Lowton was then subjected to the bizarre interrogation about a series of cat kidnappings across Singapore. These were not ordinary cats, but heiresses of several billion dollars bequeathed them by the sons of Muhammar Guddayfee.Mr Lowton was then asked if he wanted to be shot by a silver bullet.
The Singaporeans then took Mr Lowton to their version of Speakers Corner. It was a small place at the back of a huge block of flats where the only entrance was through a high class kitchen restaurant frequented by banskters and other mafia types. Apart from the speaker, there was only room for one more person. The list of what they were not allowed to talk about was the size of a British Rail Excuse List for Late Trains. There also seemed to be blood on the floor.
Mr Lowton was then told the website could only re-open if spoofers paid a subscription fee of two million Singapore Dollars direct to the Singaporean Government. He obviously refused and poor Mr Lowton was then deported back to Somalia into the open arms of his former captors.He lacked the money for ransom, but he did send this request for money which we have reproduced below:
The federal bureau of investigation (FBI).Through our intelligence monitoring network has discovered that the transaction that the bank contacted you previously was legal.Recently the fund has been legally approved to be paidvia Central Bank of Nigeria. So, we the federal bureau of investigation (FBI)Washington Dc, in conjunction with the United Nations (UN) financial department have investigated through our monitoring network noting that your transaction with the Central Bank of Nigeria legal.
You have the legitimate right to complete your transaction to claim your fund US$65.7,000,000.00 (sixty five Million seven hundred thousands United States dollars) Because of so much scam going on in Nigeria.We the federal bureau of investigation decided to contact the FedEx Courier Service Company in Nigeriafor them to give us their procedures on how to sent this money to you without any further complain or delay. We just got an information from the Central Bank of Nigeria and they have loaded your US$65.7,000,000.00 in ATM CARD and submit to the FedEx courier service company for immediate delivery to your doorstep.
I guess we will not be seeing Benjamin for another fifty years by which time thespoof.co.sg should be up and running.