Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: China, Fish, Whale, Smell

Thursday, 23 June 2011

image for Chinese Authorities Confirm That Unidentified 65 Foot Sea Monster Stinks - But They'll Eat It Anyway
A Sea Monster In Happier Times, Pictured In The Water Without Chips.

Authorities in Guangdong, China, today admitted that they have been unable to identify the 65 foot sea monster that washed up on a beach there a couple of days ago, but they have confirmed that it stinks to high heaven.

The creature, which vaguely resembles a pile of rotting blubber, and is most probably a dead whale, is too decomposed for scientists to positively identify the species, although they remain hopeful that a DNA analysis will confirm the species type.

The creature had apparently become entangled in fisherman's nets, and was probably cut loose because it was too big to land, or to haul aboard a fishing vessel.

Identification difficulties aside, the most problematic aspect of the washed up sea monster is the smell, which is seemingly so pungent that it is stripping paint off walls and doors in nearby dwellings and is allegedly putting people off their sushi in Kagoshima, hundreds of miles away in southern Japan.

It is feared that the smell of the sea monster could disrupt shipping lanes, bring aircraft down, and lead to nausea and sickness among people within a thousand miles of the remains.

A plan to blow the remains up with sticks of dynamite was abandoned, as it was decided that such a ploy would only dissipate the stench even further.

In a classic example of 'waste not, want not,' governors in Guangdong province have issued locals with gas masks and invited them to visit the beast and cut lumps off it for their evening meal. Thorough cooking was recommended, and nasal peg usage at the point of consumption was strongly advised.

Environmentalists in the west warned that the real problems associated with the washed up sea monster would only become apparent when all the people who have consumed it start farting shortly thereafter.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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