Left wing think tank Jizzmop have today released a report which criticises the "laissez-faire free market" approach that people have towards relationships.
Spokesman Herbert Jizzmop explained, "People are free to choose whoever they want as a friend, and there is a kind of supply and demand market economy here. Popular people will be very much in demand but in short supply. On the other hand, hairy overweight freaks are not wanted much but there is a large supply of them."
"Because of this free market approach, the fat and smelly people are often left with no friends at all. Many of them even kill themselves. As a loony lefty I feel that we have to do something about this."
In the report, Mr Jizzmop explains a more communist method of making friends. The government will assign each person ten people to be their friends and these will be the only friends that person is allowed to socialise with.
"Anyone caught fraternising with somebody the government has not assigned to them as a friend will be harshly punished."
Now that's what you call "socialism".