Written by IainB
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Saturday, 11 June 2011

image for German illness epidemic spreads across Europe
A projected map of the outbreak should it reach every country except Switzerland

The vomiting, diarrhoea and (in rare cases) death epidemic that spread rapidly across Germany has been seen in countries as far away as Austria and France, with unconfirmed reports coming out of Belgium and Holland.

Scientists are still baffled as to the cause of the E Coli outbreak having previously blamed bean sprouts, cucumbers and waffles. With the infection spreading around neighbouring countries it is becoming more urgent that the source of the contamination is located and eradicated.

Symptoms of the disease are generally an increased urge to defecate uncontrollably.

"You could say it puts the continent in incontinent," said Hans Klensa, health minister for the German parliament. "Whatever is the source of the outbreak is obviously something we export. This has narrowed the list of items that could be causing the distress now seen across the EU.

Scientists are testing all goods that Germany exports, including BMWs, Volkswagons, sauerkraut, premium lagers, Riesling, electricity and tourists. So far they have drawn a blank.

"This epidemic has revealed just how little Germany exports these days," said Klensa. "If it wasn't for our outstanding motor industry we would be in even more doodoo than we are because of the E Coli."

French foreign minister Pierre Champouge has announced that it is banning all German imports until the source of the outbreak has been identified and destroyed.

"Strangely this is having a positive impact on our own motor industry," said Champouge. "Sales of Citreons is up twenty percent."

The E Coli outbreak has yet to reach the UK as there is still a general distrust of all things German.

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