During a press conference Thursday afternoon, Shaka the elephant apologized for the accidental death of a Mysore village man. "It was a complete accident and I'm sorry. We have no beef with the villagers. Our problem is with the sacred cows."
After years of repression, the Indian elephants are fighting back. "We are sick and tired of the damn sacred cows and their 'holier-than-thou' attitude. We have been treated like second-class citizens for far too long."
Apparently, Hindu's beloved sacred cow is not the docile creature once believed to be, but rather, an arrogant abusive beast. Shaka added, "The Indian elephants have endured years of abuse from the sacred cows...dirty looks, name calling and rock throwing. It has taken an emotional toll on our self-esteem. We are now at war."
The Indian government expressed concern about a possible pachydermy uprising. An official for the government stated, "You know, an elephant never forgets."