Officials in European capitols are in a near panic today as German E.coli have crossed the border into Poland in an sudden and unprovoked attack.
"Nearly every toilet in the country has been destroyed," said Alphonsus Liguori, a plumber in Warsaw, adding that he had never witnessed such terrible conditions before. "I only hope for the sake of our county that we will be able to rebuild our piping system.
Compounding the dilemma for the people of Poland is the economic situation brought on by the German E.coli invasion. The price of porcelain toilets, for instance, has skyrocketed, causing many citizens to flee to the countryside in panic.
Buses and trains loaded with thousands of sick people including innocent women and children were seen leaving the major cities in search of safer produce. Many said they were simply hoping they can hold on until they reach their destinations. Screams of "I've gotta go - I gotta go" could be heard by anxious parents as their children clutched their tiny stomachs in pain.
In France officials urged all citizens along the border with Germany to drop everything and flee. Organic farmers in the region have nonetheless sworn to stay put and defend their produce at all cost. "By God, I'm staying put until lettuce reaches twenty Euros a head," said one distraught eighty year old farmer who seemed to be echoing the sentiments of other organic farmers nationally.
English health officials were unconcerned with the turmoil on the Continent as they admitted their citizens swore off vegetables centuries ago.