World Health Organization teams quickly deployed out to farms and packaging plants to determine the source of the tainted tubers, and have reported a successful intervention in the inspection, cleaning and packaging methods of at least two major fresh produce distributors.
Investigator Marcello Lentini tells reporters, "We are confident that we have discovered the questionable methods of picking, cleaning and packaging the cucumbers and that those issues have been resolved".
When asked for more details about the tainted cucumbers in particular, Lentini responded, "We feel that if some of the new cucumber inspectors would stop testing them for uniform smoothness and roundness on each other, the problem will simply deflate". While some reporters assumed a pained look on their faces while others had vocalized a sound like "Ew", Lentini added, "And, yes. The testing process is exactly as disgusting as might imagine".
Publishing new inspection and packaging procedures, Lentini added, "We should look into pickle processing as well. Some do prefer smaller packages after all".