Written by Gabhan O'Buachalla
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Monday, 30 May 2011

image for Women to put Condoms on Cucumbers
Do you want condoms with that?

The relationship between humans and vegetables is a long and complex one.

As many as 1 in 5 cucumbers are purchased for use not as food but as a sex toy. A fact that was possibly the best kept secret of the cucumber industry. However, the e-coli outbreak in Germany has lead to some serious public health concerns.

"There is often a temptation for people to play with their food, especially when they are reluctant to eat it"

"If you are tempted to use a cucumber please use a condom, you just never know where that cucumber has been!" - Helga von Kraut, Institute of Vegitarian Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Sales of cucumbers have recently fell by 80% following a recent E-coli scare in Germany.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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