Caracas, Venezuela and Mar Del Plata, Argentina-Hugo Chavez appears to have been watching a lot of American movies, particularly creepy horror flicks, it seems, since he has been issuing government decrees to the effect that "the sky is falling."
Officials in Washington have expressed shock and surprise at the latest outbursts by the Venezuelan front man for what Chavez presents as the implacable and demanding left. "What does he think he is doing? Scaring people?" asked an unnamed CIA source. "He doesn't have to do that. People are already afraid of his dangerous, thoughtless policies. He appears to want to lead Venezuela down the financial drain."
A friendly reporter explained, "He is afraid of falling off the face of the Earth as his power wanes. He revels in being a media horror show. He views himself as the princess of disasters. So he shouts the Americans are coming. The Americans are coming. Just to get attention, though he does not mean what he says. What he means is he can be mean but no one else means anything."
"Where are we coming?" the reporter was asked.
"To take him away," was the reply everyone laughed at. "To the fungi farm. With all the other poisonous mushrooms. Although letting him rot in office for all South America to ridicule is a superb answer for all the financial train wrecks he is causing. "
Someone said they suspected he had been tippling. "Drunk with power," is the phrase used.
"Smuggling snake oil under the table. He must be bored."
Hugo replies, "No free trade. You get nothing for nothing and even less from me. I charge top dollar for a shoddy bill of goods. Kickbacks and overcharges just like Saddam. Oh, those were the good old days. Saddam was my home boy. He knew how to scare people. How he could make your skin crawl. After all, politics is all boogeyman games. Oh, how he could scare you to tears."
"I just love a good thrill. I just love war movies and shoot them up westerns. Bang bank. Kill," he shouts into a microphone.
A friendly reporter asks him, "So what are you saying."
Hugo replies, "I am saying I want to wear the white hat and take the bad guys on mano to mano fighting crock in the jungle with a "boowie" knife between my "teet," wearing a poncho over my head to hide my face and wrapped in a serape so I can make a clean escape."
High officials in Washing continue to scratch their heads at his antics. "What a dangerous goof ball," is the official word on his behavior.