Written by Morse
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Monday, 23 May 2011

image for Forget DSK & Berlusconi, Putin Comes Out of the Closet in Bid to Bounce Back to Presidency Thanks to Viagra!
Russian Intrigue Builds As Putin Flexes his Well Tuned Muscle!

Russian strongman Vladimir Putin, out of the limelight, but not out of power for the past three years as Prime Minister, is said to be ready to retake the mantle of Presidential power in the upcoming election against protege Dmitry Medvedev!

Putin had been limited to two consecutive terms, and in an arranged political marriage, he remained the power behind the plutonium cocktails, while youngster Medvedev was anointed to keep his seat warm until he could run again.

Kremlin watchers have said, however, in recent months Medvedev seems increasingly unwilling to drop out of sight and out of 'power' having gotten use to the limelight, and his following on Twitter which could lead to an unhealthy situation. One might even say
'life threatening." At least for him!

While the spotlight has been increasingly turned on testosterone heavyweights Silvio Berlusconi for his alleged Mafia ties , sexcapades and scandalous Bunga Bunga parties, Dominique Strauss-Kahn (DSK) for his incurable Priapism, and Arnold Schwarzenegger for his 'family values', ie; "I vont you to have my Baby!", Putin has been quietly surpassing all three in the BABE department.

As one Putin campaign manager said, "Vladimir is just itching to get back in the saddle and has been practicing....HARD!"

For years Putin has been rumoured to have dumped aging Russian lump wife, Slugmilla in favour of a 24 year old gymnast with the amazing ability to wrap her crotch around her own face, a talented and double jointed Alina Kabaeva says 'is God Given!"

Also under the radar are a bevy of "Putinskie Drasotki", known enviously in the West as
"Putin's Babes," a flock of striking athletic beauties elevated to the Duma, Russia's lower Parliament.

In addition to one knock out who has posed NUDE in Playboy, Ms Kabaeva serves as a Deputy Minister for the Youth Council where her double jointedness is said to be a
'strong asset'.

More recently, and sensationally, former 'failed' spy Anna Chapman has come home to roost amidst local pop culture adoration receiving the order of Lenin, becoming a talk show host presenter, while holding down a position in the Young Guard of United Russia, an arm of the Russian Intelligence group the SVR.

The auburn haired hot 'kartoska' was heartily welcomed home by Putin after he pulled the wool over US President Obama's eyes in a 'prisoner exchange', while the real story is close personal advisor to the President Valerie Jarrett was afraid it would come out that Anna was seen at several state dinners, and at one private screening of "The Manchurian Candidate' during Wednesday Night at the Movies with Michelle, a now regular White House 'cultural event.'

Ms. Kabaeva is said to be Putin's 'personal trainer' and works out in the gym with the fit
strongman on a vigorous 5 day a week schedule. In addition to 'flexibility' routines, Alina is said to favour a healthy diet for the PM, and a regimental dose of vitamins 'and other performance enhancing drugs" said to have increased Putin's 'Stamina!"

While both Putin and Medvedev appear cordial in public, there have been signs that not everything is running smoothly between them.

Medvedev has recently hired a 'food taster,' and a bodyguard with a radiation detector is not far from his side. A spokesman for the President said the precautions are necessary after reports surfaced that Chechnya Rebels might be targeting him for assassination.

Putin also seems concerned, telling a reporter for The Guardian, that his opponents might yet try to entrap him with claims that he attempted to rape a towel attendant at a Moscow spa while taking a steam bath after working out with Ms. Kabaeva.

Both candidates are said to be seeking 'Super Injunctions' against the other involving
reporting on their personal lives.

Putin is concerned that his sexual activities will adversely affect his pre marital agreement with Slugmilla, although she is said to be showing signs of improvement after recent
chemotherapy treatments in a Siberian Sanitarium.

Medvedev is said to be extremely sensitive concerning reports he is partial to rabbits and homing pigeons, and has a pet gerbil.

Meanwhile back in the states Tareq and Michael Salahi are waiting for their visas to come through for a Russian cultural exchange program and a chance to reunite at a state dinner with Ms. Chapman to celebrate Perestroika and Comrade President Obamsky's reelection campaign.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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