Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 21 May 2011

image for Armageddon, The Rapture, Put On Hold Until Tuesday Tea Time
Stop It! I Want To Get Off!

Sources close to Californian evangelist, Harold Camping-Holliday, announced earlier today that the end of the world has been postponed until Tuesday tea time BST.

Camping-Holliday had previously announced with utter conviction that the world would end on Saturday, May 21st at 7am BST. He indicated that the Earth would be torn apart and rent asunder by a series of earthquakes, which would go on, killing everybody until an unspecified date in late June/early July.

Only those taken up in the Rapture would be saved, 144,000 of the great and the good, who will apparently be flown away in a giant spaceship. Probably to heaven.

Including Camping-Holliday, although cynics sneer that as he's 89, he should probably offer his place to somebody younger and a bit more energetic.

When nothing happened, the Camping-Holliday camp were quick to issue a statement to the effect that the end of the world has been put on hold due to unforeseen celestial circumstances, adding that it has been rescheduled to Tuesday tea time BST. Probably.

Skoob News spoke to a man in Burnley market, asking him what he thought about the armageddon predictions:

"Load o' crap innit," the man said. "I took it all with a pinch of salt. There's always some nutter telling us the world's going to end. Of course, one day it really will. But I can't imagine there being people around to see it. The human race will have either moved on to another planet, or gone extinct by the time that happens. It's just bloody stupid talk. A bit like them other daft buggers who claim the world's only ten thousand years old, and refuse to acknowledge a mountain of scientific evidence to the contrary. They're all fucking puddled if you ask me."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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