News gathering agencies around the world are opening their reports today asking one vital question:
"Where the f--k is everybody?"
"It's May 21, 2011," said Today Show host Matt Lauer, apparently alone in the NBC studios, and operating his own camera, "and in case you haven't notices, every Christian and Jew on the planet have mysteriously disappeared."
Top Godologists believe that it was the Rapture, forecasted by the ebible Fellowship Church, a Christian radicalist group began on the Usenet forum site alt.religion.nutjob, that accounts for all those that are going to Heaven being removed from the face of the Earth.
"Obviously, the US Government has lost some key members," Lauer said, while furiously rubbing ashes on his forehead and sipping with Holy Water. "President Obama is gone, as Vice-President Biden."
In an interesting development, Secretary of State Hilary Clinton has sprouted dark-red, dragon-like wings and has declared herself quote 'The Messenger of the Morningstar', a typically unfilled cabinet post last held by Dr. Henry Kissinger.