Dublin - A geometrically fiendish crop circle depicting a classic 'Up Yours' V-sign has appeared on the pitch at Dublin's Croak (sic) Park.
It emerged from the nethers just as the Queen arrived to gawp at the scene of the 1920 Bloody Sunday massacre that saw British farces open fire at a football match and kill 14.
Locals commented that the turf etching 'must have been done by the Little Green People' in a historic gesture of Anglo-Irish defamation - er....reconciliation!
Security services quickly ushered the old soak from the stadium to the next pointless ego trip appearance where Real Irish Bog Ale was being served.
She politely declined, digging the Duke of Edinburgh sharply in the ribs with a trusty royal hat pin as barmaids vied to pour Filthy Phil, as he's known abroad, a stiff - one or two.
"Stop ogling the servants," HM hissed, "this could be another honeytrap - just like poor old Dominique Strauss-Khan's ordeal!"
Ireland's very own Rikers Island, formerly known as the internment H-Block, is now a bijou boutique hotel catering to civil partnership honeymooners.