Disgraced IMF head and French presidential hopeful, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, has told the Bronx cops exactly what happened in Suite 2806.
His testimony reads
"It wasn't me who'd gone and done that to that poor dear cleaning lady. It was Bin Laden's ghost. I was about to set off for the airport when the bathroom door opened and out he walked dressed only in his beard and his gun. And because his gun was loaded and I'd read that he was into porno and all that, I instantly recognized him. He was - how can I put it? - ready for action, if you know what I mean by 'gun'.
"The maid was making the bed despite that it did not need making because it had not been unmade because I'd not spent the night in that bed … but please do not tell my wife … she will only worry …
"Before I could blink an eye - I mean mon dieu it was not a time to blink because for that kind of porno one has to hand over $550 to reception for a porno video and bribe them to put it down on the check as 'How to Pray the Hail Mary' - Bin Laden was doing to the maid what I now stand accused of.
"I grabbed my $35,000 bag in which were packed my $35,000 suits and got the hell out of the place."
He emphasized that the reports of the price of Suite 2806 as given in the world's media - $3,000 a night - is incorrect.
"What, me pay that for a hotel room! What do they take me for? Some cheap little Frenchie?"
He said that he won't stay in a room that costs less than $30,000 for a night.