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Tuesday, 17 May 2011

image for Europe Scrambles to Name New IMF Head: No More 'Back Door' Appointments Claims Merkel!
IMF About to run out of 'Paper' Promises to Print More In order to Clean up EU Mess!

The European Cartel, minus France, is scrambling to come up with a successor for besieged IMF chairman Dominique Strauss-Kahn (DKS) in order to stave off an Asian assault to take over the International Monetary Fund (IMF) which is underwater with non collectable loans from member nations.

While acknowledging a movement to include Asia in it's decision making in handing out international welfare, German Chancellor Angela Merkel says 'now is not the time', citing the current EU meltdown and the specter of the imminent collapse of the ill conceived union.

According to insiders a global search is underway looking as far away as the US, which has an important role in contributing funds to the organization which are ultimately wasted, and to the UK, who although they are broke and can't fund a navy and have to borrow planes to protect their forces in Libya, is still on the hook for millions to the IMF not to mention the EU and foreign aid to places like India who's economy dwarfs that of Britain.

One report has former California Governor Arnold Schwazenegger on the short list. An Austrian who made his money with his muscles, and reportedly continued to flex his muscle with a host of women other than his wife, including a member of his house staff who gave birth to his child 10 years ago, Arnie is said, because of his ties to Europe, and his attempts, albeit futile to rein in California spending, would make a good choice.

"He's up front about his sexuality,' said one Europhile, "he'd be the last one to sneak up and try to use the back door, unlike Americans Europeans have a certain joie de vivre for that type of thing!"

Another candidate being floated is former Prime Minister Gordon Brown. It appears that he may be backed by Global Manipulator George Soros, who it was announced today was the recent biggest dumper of gold funds bringing down the value, some said to off set focus on Brown's decision against Financial advice to dump all of Britain's gold at fire sale prices some years ago, only to see them go through he roof and leave cash starved Britain holding the bag.

Soros's move mirrors his earlier dumping of silver funds as he continues to manipulate global markets and further destabilize the world's financial markets forcing more countries to give up their sovereignty for EU and IMF handouts with stringent strings attached.

Italy's Prime Minister is said to favour proposing either "La Rossa" a flame haired former Miss Italy, Michela Vittoria Brambilla, or as a long shot now infamous Bunga Bunga attraction and Moroccan night club dancer Karima El Mahroug saying "when it comes to handling money, she's knows how to distribute (her) the booty!"

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin is also saying he should have a voice in the matter and threw Ana Chapman's name in the ring. A now retired 'under the cover' spy who spent time in the UK and in the US gathering naked pictures of high level government officials in both countries, she is said to be 'perfect' for the job according to the KGB strongman known as "Plutonium Putin" for his lethal cocktails to dispatch rivals.

"She's a red head, bi-lingual, bi-sexual, promiscuous and an accomplished liar...all the attributes of a good banker," said Putin from his lavish Dacha where he was watching tapes of Al Gore getting a massage in a 5* motel room.

In France, the Socialist party is in disarray with the arrest of DSK which they say is
'scandalous' with some calling 'this is no big deal...it goes on all the time here..why are the American's making such a big deal out of a mutual affair of the libido...the Americans always get things 'backwards!"

Reports coming out of Arkansas, still unconfirmed, indicate that former US President Bill Clinton might be interested in the job when he heard in addition to the outrageous salary and perks, he inherits a staff of at least 32 young interns and free dry cleaning.

A long shot is former US President Jimmy Carter, globe trotting trouble maker and appeasement ambassador without portfolio who close friends said "...he's always lusted after that job in his own mind.....I hope he finally 'gets sum... satisfaction!"

President Barack Obama was unavailable for comment, with wife Michelle saying he was an out patient at Walter Reid Army Hospital for a routine Vasectomy but was expected back soon.

Close personal advisor and Chicago Slum Princess Valerie Jarrett was also unavailable to comment with her staff saying she was 'at hospital comforting a recovering friend."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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