Flight Commander Mark Kelly blasted Space Shuttle Endeavour into space this morning without incident, disappointing the major TV news agencies, which already started making title cards and recording cello music for the special "Tragedy For Endeavour" reports that would have followed a launch mishap.
"Endeavour, piloted by Mark Kelly, has made it into space without incident," stated a glib Matt Lauer during the launch, broadcast on The Today Show. "They are... wait, is that an explosion? We may have heard an explosion that... No, no. I'm being told I sneezed."
The scene in the newsroom was frenzy of mad, wild-eyed technicians and editors, foaming at the mouth.
"If that f--king spaceship did a Challenger on the way up, we'd have our programming locked up for four days," says a senior editor. "Astronaut Kelly dies in space, 5 months after his wife (Rep. Gabrielle Giffords) got half of her melon blown off. During May Sweeps?!?!?!"
"I'd retire, because how do you top that??"