Written by Sebastian Flyte
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Sunday, 15 May 2011

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Atheist writer Christopher Hitchens has reportedly been cured of cancer after praying to Mother Teresa.

Hitchens' cure, if accepted by Catholic Church authorities as miraculous, could ultimately pave the way for Mother Teresa to be canonized as a Catholic saint.

Hitchens acknowledged he had been cured after praying to Mother Teresa, but he insisted it was "illogical" to call the healing a "miracle."

"I've been winning the argument against God all these years," he said. "It's unfair to suggest this latest incident proves anything. It's like an ad hominen attack."

Hitchens said that he decided to pray for a cure to Mother Teresa only as a "journalistic experiment."

His plan, he said, was to include his experiment in an article he was writing about the unscientific nature of miracles.

"I've conducted other journalistic experiments before, like subjecting myself to water boarding," he said. "I mistakenly thought this lastest exercize wouldn't be as painful."

Hitchens said that he conducted his "experiment" of praying to Mother Teresa while waiting for an appointment with his oncologist Tuesday at St. Malachy's hospital in London.

When the doctor examined Hitchens, she found that all traces of his cancer had completely disappeared.

Hitchens said he felt cheated rather than elated by the discovery.

"I've been the world's leading critic of Mother Teresa," he said. "The little witch has had her revenge."

In 2000 Hitchens gave official testimony against Mother Teresa to a Catholic church tribunal investigating whether the Albanian nun should be declared a saint.

Now Hitchens may be called upon to testify again.

The Catholic Church requires two authenticated miracles before a person can be canonized as a saint, said Father Brian Kolodiejchuk, the church official in charge of her process.

"We needed one more miracle for Mother Teresa's canonization," Father Kolodiejchuk said, "and Hitchens could be it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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