Written by Cornelius P Lynch
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Saturday, 14 May 2011

image for Sisters Sledged: Nuns Slammed For Getting Into Bad Habits
It's so last year!

The Catholic Church was embroiled in another scandal today following Vatican-led criticism of the ways nuns dress. Pope Benedict believes that nuns should adapt more modern dress and has urged them to show a bit of leg in future.

The Pope wants the Catholic Church to appear to be more relevant to the modern world. He has urged the nuns to adopt a more sexual approach to how they dress. Recently the Pope has been spending a great deal of time with Silvio Berlusconi. Some observers believe that the Italian leader's influence may have led to the Papal announcement.

Equal rights campaigners were quick to denounce the plans. Ophelia Thighs said "This is typical of the sexist, male dominated society that we live in today. Next he'll be claiming that Jesus was a man." However, opponents have pointed out that Catholic priests do often dress a bit like women and all that lighting of candles is a little camp.

The Pope has commissioned Chanel to design a new, more revealing habit for the nuns. Black will still be the colour, but this season nuns' hemlines are set to rise. The wimple is also to be phased out in a bid to show off the nuns' more feminine side.

The Catholic Church is desperate to modernise. Nuns are to be the outriders of the all new Catholic Church. The Vatican is set to launch a recruitment drive in a bid to appeal a younger audience.

Anne Widicombe is said to be rather annoyed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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