Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Topics: Germany, Europe

Thursday, 12 May 2011

image for European leaders sing begging songs for German bailouts
Austerity measures mean the bailout auditions will not even be using modern equipment

This weekend, the European Bank will hold auditions to decide which countries will receive a bailout in the coming year. Countries will be judged on their success at maintaining a low deficit, GDP, melody and shaggability.

Germany is hosting the auditions in Dusseldorf, which is quite appropriate as it is just down the road from the huge vaults of Frankfurt central bank (which allegedly still hold tonnes of hoarded Nazi gold).

The winner will receive a guaranteed bailout of 10 billion Euros, plus a box of Toblerone. The whole of Europe will be told they have a chance to vote democratically for the winners of the bailout, but the contest is not as simple as it first appears.

Contestants must flirt and beg with potential donors to gain points. Everyone wants German money. Some people want Russian oil. Iceland look a bit lost. Israel are unsure of the gender of German Chancellor Angela Merkel, so have sent their national transsexual to begin negotiations. And they're not even in Europe!

But whoever the winner is, it will not necessarily be a great success. The winner must pay for the costs of hosting next year's bailout auditions.

Watch the auditions live this Saturday night!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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