Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 12 May 2011

image for Several Arrests Made at the Oasis Bar & Grille, Ft. Lauderdale
The Palms outside the OB&G

Local bar-restaurant famous for its micro-brewed "Skoob Lagers" and weekly Fried Haggis-on-a-Stick specials, was at the center of several Disturbing the Peace complaints this past Wednesday, resulting in 12 arrests.

Apparently stemming from a bar argument over which could hold its structural integrity longer, a rubber tire or the asphalt it sat on, several drunken patrons with rear wheel drive cars returned to the parking lot to settle the issue. Police were called a short time later following several noise complaints from Colostomy Acres, a neighboring retirement home. "It was hard to understand the first few callers until they put their teeth in, but we were not shocked to hear that the Oasis was at the center of another controversy", claims Ft. Lauderdale Police Sergeant, Myron Stickles.

It reportedly took police more than 10 minutes to make their way through the thick smoke, but found a dozen cars towards the center of the lot squealing rubber until bits of rubber or asphalt were shooting everywhere. One man who identified himself only as "Cap", was the first to be handcuffed. "Now that was one overly loud and stinky mess", said Stickles referring to Cap, "And the burning tires were no bed of posies either".

Other characters with odd street names were also arrested and included, "Bureau", "Doc", "IanB", "Lynton", "Philbert", "Birbee", "Abel", "Churchmouse", and "Pinxit". The Sergeant later commented on the night's arrests, "Depraved, inebriated, wet from peeing on themselves and to a fault, unapologetic. I hope they're proud".

London based Oasis Bar & Grille franchise holders Mark Lowton and Sir Maxwell Skoobinski were not originally reached for comment, though lawyers for the men released a statement this morning. "While we do not condone the breaking of any international or local law, we thought the impromptu parking lot contest was freaking awesome. Who won?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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