Rome - (Jesus Wept News): A 'spolier' prediction by cabinet-maker and amateur seismologist Raffaele Bendandi has rattled the Vatican.
The wannabe seer reckoned that today, May 11th's astrological alignments would spark the Big One, razing the Eternal City to the ground.
He blamed the 8.03GMT Mars ingress into Taurus as the main trigger, supported by the afternoon's stunning triple conjunction of Venus, Mercury and Mars at 24 degrees Taurus.
'Da guy was nutz," a Corriere Della Que-Sera-Sera editorial pronounced.
"Tutti-frutti-cake," L'Osservatore Paedophilico Romano concurred.
Nevertheless thousands fled Rome today amid fears a massive tremor will obliterate Rome.
Inside St Peter's the mood is grim.
A Conclave of Cardinals source has pointed out that Friday the 13th is the far bigger seismic danger as it's the 94th anniversary of Our Lady of Fatima's apparition in Portugal's troubled Praia Da Luz region.
"The Virgin does not cause earthquakes, cast out demons or turn God-fearing prelates into swine," the Pope's PA Monsignor Georg Gangswine assured colleagues.
Pope Benedict's Lucky Rabbit Foot amulets are available from the Vatican Git Shop for $25 @ apiece.