Written by Morse
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Tuesday, 10 May 2011

image for Joran va der Sloot Petitions EU to Marry His Peruvian Soul (cell) Mate Juanita!
Latest van der Sloot Ploy 'takes the cake' as he Petitions EU to marry Cell Mate!

The tragic reality story of accused lady killer Joran van der Sloot took another bizarre turn today as the serial sociopath says not only has he found religion in jail, but also true love with his cell mate, identified only as a transgender shop lifter known as Juanita, AKA Juan.

He has enlisted a horde of followers who have started a 'Free Joran' campaign and filed a petition with the European Union council of Human Rights and is said to have the ear of British rep to the EU' Barreness' Catherine Ashton, a love deprived shrew raking in $500,000 a year hanging out in Brussels who Joran addresses in his personal appeal as
'dearest Kitty!"

Those following the saga of the Dutch born killer, know that he is still the Prime Suspect in missing spring breaker Natalie Holloway's disappearance, was involved in the kidnapping and sale of Fox News Correspondent Greta Van Susteran, was jailed after confessing to killing a Peruvian girl he met in a casino while on the run, and tried to escape by getting transferred into the paternity ward after claiming he was gang raped and pregnant.

All of these exploits including his famous interview with Larry King, love tweets with Foxy Knoxy, and other related exclusives have been detailed and meticulously researched in block busting The Spoof. Com reports.

"This guy just won't quit, 'said Peruvian warden Eduardo "el Jeffe' Calderon, "every time we think we have him in a box, there's another attempt to get out...we just can't seem to keep a lid on him, Gilipollas! (Bastard!)

In a revealing twitter discovered while searching the internet and perusing Joran's FaceBook page of over 45,000 adoring female fans his mantra for life was discovered:

"Me cago en todo lo que se menea', loosely translated into Castilian Spanish as
"I shit on anything that moves..."

More as the Worm Squirms!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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