(Houston) - NASA meteorological scientists yesterday confirmed the existence of "thermodynamically inverted cyclonic disturbances" (TICD's) which CNN quickly coined, "Flurrycanes". Flurrycanes, theoretical atmospheric aberrations postulated back in 1987 can, according to computer models pack winds in excess of 480 mph.
"A TICD (flurrycane according to CNN) is beginning to form off the coast of Canada" an unnamed NASA scientist told reporters. Flurrycanes, unlike hurricanes Katrina and Wilma feed off of cold, not heat and, swirl around ice, drizzle and most noticeably flurries .. snow flurries.
Snow. A combination of water and the color "white" has for years been the universal symbol of Christmas, Denver and Walmart "rolling back the prices" holiday deals.
"A cloud of 480 mph swirling snow could be an issue" one NASA scientist said adding,
"Hurricane Katrina leveled neighborhoods. A 480 mph category 10 flurrycane can theoretically topple the Great Pyramid .. level the peak off of Pikes".
Fortunately, according to projections, "flurrycanes" take over 2 months to form. Flurrycane Yolanda, spotted by NASA's polar satellite will, if it does exist, will not wipe the state of Florida off the map until well after the Super Bowl. Flurrycanes, according to projections will always form in the north, around Canada and travel south, not north. As Jay Leno put it ..
"Great news for Cancun, bad news for Buffalo".
FEMA, still doing a bit of "catch up work" is now proactively preparing for the catastrophic effects of a potential sub-zero category 10 flurrycane's landfall by purchasing 9 million parkas, mittens and long-johns from the former Republic of Russia's thrift store.
"If a flurricane is headed your way, plywood won't help you. Or Duracells". They say
"Your best bet is to stock up on plenty of hot Ovaltene" adding,
"A last will and testament wouldn't hurt either".
Florida governor Jeb Bush, after learning of the potential flurricane threat, according to sources, immediately phoned his brother, president Bush.
President Bush, after learning of the potential flurricane threat immediately declared the entire coastal region of the United States of America a federally funded disaster area .. particularly the area around Crawford Texas where, according to the president,