Written by Auntie Matter
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Saturday, 7 May 2011

image for Bin Laden Not Dead!
Home at last for Osama.

A defector from MI5, Clifford Blacksmire has told New Age magazine "Lies and Damned Lies" that Osama Bin Laden was not killed as stated by U.S. President Barack Obama and which is currently believed by most people on the planet.

It appears the Islamist leader was tasered unconscious and whisked by chopper out of Abbottabad to a military airport where he was flown to London by jet that same night.

Shots were fired to make it appear he had been gunned down in his room and the blood of other victims splashed around the furniture.

Within minutes of arriving in London Bin Laden had, according to Blacksmire, been "reprogrammed" to remember nothing of his past and to respond only to signals from a microchip implanted into the back of his neck.

The microchip is so small it can be inserted by a syringe into the neck to lodge against the spinal cord.

"Osama Bin Laden," said Black, "is currently a clean shaven, short haired chap with tattooes of the Royal family on each arm who is working in a McDonalds restaurant somewhere in Scotland.

"He is a law-abiding Presbyterian and a staunch supporter of the Orange Order and Rangers football team. He has two children he believes are his and an English wife who is an undercover agent for MI6.

"He is quite happy not to remember who he was or what he did because he is not conscious that he has forgotten anything. If and when he is needed he may be "resurrected" but that will depend on the degree of retaliation envisaged by MI5 and their close colleagues the CIA."

The editor of "Lies and Damned Lies" stated that he is not in a position to corroborate the statements made by Mr. Blacksmire but the magazine will run with his story "until such times as President Obama corroborates his".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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