Washington D.C. - Officials to day released a new video of Osama Bin Laden, they say they found shocking evidence of a softer, kinder, gentler Osama.
One former grocery shopper for him said, "OLB was no SOB, he was a kind man who knew his vegtables. One time when I brought him some onions, he pointed out they were sub-standard. But he never raised his voice, he just hit me over the head with it. I respect him for his directness and for not shooting me. I use to work in Iran for an Ayatollah when I was younger. I spent ten years in prison for washing out his coffee cup, which apparently he never washed."
Back to Osama..."Oh, yes, Osama one time was watching his videos, which he did every oh....every 5 minutes or so. He was kind of excessive compulsive about them. He would be eating a meal or having the sex, and he would stop in the middle to go watch his videos. Mrs OLB, she called him an SOB on days like that."