London- Although we're pretty sure he had never been to Paddington Station, "public enemy number one", Osama Bin Laden, seemed to have a lot in common with Britain's number one bear, Paddington Brown, a just released report on the Taliban leader's death suggests.
"We first suspected as much when we saw him sporting a pair of Wellington boots in one of his famously hilarious videos." explained United States Navy Seal, Major Selkie. "But when we found and ultimately killed the poor bastard, some of the similarities were just striking!"
"for instance, Bin Laden was found with a marmalade sandwich under his turban, Paddington Brown often kept one under his hat 'in case of emergencies'. Paddington Brown had a note pinned to his coat "Please look after this bear,Thank You.". Osama had one pinned to his tunic which said "Please look after this terrorist."
Ultimately it was another similarity between the two which lead to Osama Bin Laden's demise. When someone incurs Paddington's disapproval he often gives them one of his special "hard stares" (taught to him by Aunt Lucy), which causes the person to become flushed and embarrassed.
"We were warned about this during the two training exercises held before the raid.", Major Selkie added. "The high profile target will often glare at those who anger him.". I really didn't believe it but when we finally found him, up there in his bedroom, that's exactly what he did."
"We broke down the door and lobbed a percussion grenade inside. When the smoke cleared, there he was...Osama Bin Laden. He started staring at us, really intently. That's when I popped him. Pow! Right between the eyes!"