The US Government has released further details about how terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden died during a shoot out at his HQ in Pakistan yesterday. The evil criminal mastermind, far from dying with honour and dignity, threw a couple of female human shields between him and the elite US military team that had come for him, and when that didn't work, he pooped his pants.
An anonymous source in the White House told us "Bin Laden was begging for mercy, he was like pleading for his life and offering to sell out all his terrorist buddies if we spared his life. He offered a billion dollars to each of the soldiers but when they told him they couldn't be bought, he emitted an extremely loud farting noise and the room was flooded with brown stuff. All the while he was bubbling like a baby and crying for his Mommy".
Expert gastroenterologists commented that the brown stuff was probably faeces. "He shitted himself" was the medical opinion of one. "What a loser" commented another medical expert.
Bin Laden, who is believed to be one of the most prolific racist serial killers of the modern age, being responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent people in many terrorist outrages, probably didn't expect to go down in history books as a cowardly brat, but one professor of modern history at Oxford University commented that this is how he will be remembered. "People will mention his name and spit in disgust. Some might even puke, thinking of what a sickening and depraved human being he was. A few might emulate Bin Laden and shit themselves. We can be fairly sure he won't be remembered well."
Meanwhile, Bin Laden's death has been celebrated by millions of people across the world. The United Nations is debating whether to create the first worldwide holiday, called Osama's bin Shittin' himself Day.