JAHANNUM, HELL - Bin-Laden, the world's most wanted man, was shot dead on Monday by United States elite forces.
However, where is he now?
Many of his cronies and followers would like him to be in heaven, lording it up with 40 virgins. No such luck for the evil man.
"I didn't know what to do with him," said the Devil. "He killed more people in one day than the entire IRA did [in Britain] during 30 years. It may not be as much as Hilter or Mao, but I sent Hitler into a neverending nightmare with giant spiders, and Mao with a room full of money bearing the heads of all the people he killed."
"But OBL? That's tricky. I needed something unique."
After doing a quick poll on all his captives, they came up with one answer.
"Before I got hit by a car," said Phillip Wright, who is in for 20 years for killing two teenagers, "I had to fly to Europe. From New York. Oh, god the process... it was horror! More horrible than the metting I did when I got to Paris! Ohh..."
The Devil set up a room for OBL where there would be several kilometres of barrier tape, fifteen hundred airport security officals and 19,000 crying babies, old people, sick people, and other airport nuciances - all simulated, but Bin-Laden doesn't know that.
According to the Devil, his version would make the US procedure look like 'waiting to see Madonna'. Adding, 'Madonna is a great singer'.
What about after that?
"Well..." it continued, "I mean, I've had a chat with some of the Hindu and Bhuddist gods, and they want to re-incarnate him as a chav. We can't send him to heaven... none of the evil political/ideological-based people go up. I'd say about a hundred years from now, he'll be re-incarnated as whatever socially lazy dreg is around at that time."
He then said, "Hang on... Inhopeless, right? Okay, you're not meant to be here until 2089. Yeah... you talked back to your ma. It's only for a week, so you're okay apart from that."