Following the unexpected demise of Osama Bin Laden, described by many as the extremist's Max Clifford, the UK last night went into morning.
The Home Secretary announced that with effect from 12.00am last night, the UK was to enter a 12-hour period of morning that would last until 12.00pm today, after which time the UK would enter a period of afternoon.
The Home Secretary went on to say that despite the demise of Mr Bin Liner, the UK must continue on a "business as usual level". He stated that it was up to the banks to continue fleecing people, for town hall chief executives to continue to be overpaid, for petrol and council tax to continue to rise and for the totally untalented to continue to either present or take part in television reality shows.
The Home Secretary concluded that while the government weren't too sure who would fill the vacuum left by Mr Bin Deadun's departure, he felt sure Mrs Miggins, who makes afternoon tea in the Chambers, could fill as many vacuum flasks as needed. With wonderful Yorkshire Tea. Or with the special Fortnum and Mason blend for those claiming expenses.
Mr Bin Laid'un, accompanied by his 72 virgins, is expected to place a star in the Iranian President's "hall of fame and fortune for jihadists and other utter lunatics and nutcases" as a special ceremony later in the week. He will be accompanied by Mr Hook Hanza, the Iranian President Mr Nodinnajacket and the Real IRA who all can hopefully make the Iranian martyrdom ceremony pending their own long-overdue respective 'retirements'.