Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 2 May 2011

image for Osama Bin Laden Won't Get His 72 Virgins
Get ready for ants in your pants!

Extremist clerics have revealed that terrorist and Al-Queda leader Osama Bin Laden will not receive his expected 72 virgins in the afterlife. The mass murderer and director of the 9/11 attacks was killed in Pakistan, but will not be going to any form of heaven, said the Mullahs and Ayatollahs.

Bin Laden was responsible for too much blood, said the clerics. Besides, they thought, his beard looked a little funny.

All of the religious leaders, who spoke on conditions of complete anonymity, said that the dead terrorist will instead receive 72 types of vermin. He will be plagued by lice, fleas, tax collectors, ticks, chiggers, Jehovah's Witnesses, leeches, community organizers, roaches, and other forms of vermin for all eternity.

When asked what would happen to the seventy-two virgins, the extremists said that "they will be rewarded for their purity in Heaven, which is the crown of glory of all of the virtuous."

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