Mafia boss Enrico 'Fat Fingers' Mazzola, of New York City's notorious Mazzola crime family revealed today that the late Al Qaeda figurehead had been introduced to a 'health adjustment team' disguised as waiters in his Abbotabad compound.
Mazzola revealed that the waiters suddenly produced firearms and gunned Bin Laden down as he was tucking into a tasty chicken jalfrezi supper.
"He didn't know too much about it," Mazzola explained. "These were experienced wise guys, made men. They knew exactly what they were doing."
Further releases revealed how Bin Laden's body was dumped into the trunk of a Buick 8 wrapped in a blanket, and driven to a classified rendezvous point, where the remains were then transferred to an Apache helicopter gunship, which then took off headed for an unknown destination.
The successful mafia mission was hailed by scenes of jubilation in New York and Washington, matched by restrained scenes of satisfaction in the UK.
When asked about the whereabouts of Bin Laden's remains, and whether or not the hit team had placed a dead canary on the dead man's chest, Mazzola smiled enigmatically, winked, and said:
"Suffice to say that Bin Laden swims with the fishes. My guys will be hitting the mattresses for a few days until the heat dies down."