President Barrack Obama interrupted prime time television, incidentally during Donald Trumps celebrity Apprentice show, to announce he had killed world wide Terrorist Osama Bin Laden. "He's FIRED' said a smug Obama delivering yet another punch line against his main protagonist in the US Political Arena.
The mainstream media is reporting that a highly trained team of US military specialists in 4 helicopters swooped out of the sky and penetrated Bin Laden's Pakistan mansion surrounded by 18 foot razor topped walls.
Inside buzz says "nice story...but not quite what happened!"
Based on impeccable intelligence sources inside the Pentagon, the real story is that Intelligence Agencies had finally pieced together the where a bouts of Bin Laden by tracing on line purchases made by his Saudi Arabian staff at Harrods, Marks and Spenser, Tesco and Cadbury. Turns out Osama had recently taken delivery of some chocolate eggs for Easter.
"It all went to the same post office box in Kandahar, " said the source. "All we had to do was stake out the box like they do on TV, trail the cut out, and there he was, living high off the hog (oops) in his Hollywood style mansion with 3 swimming pools, a water fall, and an ice skating rink!"
Rather than risk any more American lives, and to allow President Obama to regain some popularity, the decision was made from Chicago to allow Obama to be at the joy stick of the Drone that finally took the World's Most Infamous Terrorist out.
"We were getting worried that Bin Laden might be about to take holiday in Dubai and arrange for some financial transfers, " said our source, " and we couldn't get the President to leave the golf course! Thank God Michelle finally got him on the phone and told him in no uncertain terms he'd better 'get your ass back here if you want to get re elected!"
"When he got here, it was all over in a matter of minutes. The President is a quick study, and within minutes of taking over the joy stick, it's like a Play Station game, and despite a quick inadvertent detour over Karachi, the President zeroed in on the target. From there on in it was a no brainer, just push two buttons and the Hell Fire Missiles did their job...even a cave man could have done it!"
Following the news, which even knocked Pippa Middleton off the front pages, former President Jimmy Carter expressed his outrage in no uncertain terms! "He should have negotiated...an eye for an eye is not the way to get things done in this complex world we live in...live and let live is my motto...next thing you know he'll be targeting Tea Baggers in Syria!"
A spokesman for Carter said the former President was on his way to Libya after volunteering to be a 'human shield' for the Quaddaffy family. Speaking off the record, a former aide to the President said, "Jimmy still has lust in his heart...he's hoping there's still a few virgins left in heaven by the time he gets there!"