Los Angeles - "Relax, guys, it was a lead-lined coffin!" the Santa Catalina police chief commented today amid reports of Osama Bin Laden's marine burial.
Apparently CIA morticians buried the butcher with half a ton of semtex in a deep-sea send off 'somewhere in the Java Trench'.
The 30,000ft underwater ravine is such a Pentagon firm favorite it's been dubbed a 'Rogues' Arlington' if reports of previous internments are to be believed.
Meanwhile in Southern California beach-side residents' tsunami fears are being downplayed - despite Japanese flotsam's regular appearance.
A US Geological Survey seismic watch team said today there was zero chance of Bin Laden's body bits surfacing anywhere along the US west coast.
Avalon-bound honeymooners can breathe a sigh of relief.